YOU RIDE:
|
|
| A: As fast as
your little legs will go. |
| B: As big and
as hard as you can. |
| C: Where
everyone else goes to ride. |
D: As often as
you can, lifestyle permitting.
|
YOU WEAR:
|
|
| A: A
skin-tight lycra suit which is slightly loose and has wrinkles where
you've lost weight. |
| B: Massive
moto-x tops and long shorts covering all the body armour to protect
those big muscles. |
| C: £100 plus
log Italian roadie bib-shorts, Everest quality waterproof jackets,
carbon fibre shoes, pull-off sleeves. |
D: Baggy
shorts & a baggy race team top because lycra is embarrassing to be
seen in in your condition.
|
YOUR BELLY IS:
|
|
| A: Wash-board
flat, a well honed 6 pack of muscle, only enlarged when cardo
loading. |
| B: Slightly
wobbly muscle, but helps on the downhill runs, the law of gravity
has nothing to do with it. |
| C: Round,
wobbly, white and pasty full. You need to spend more time on the
bike, don't you. |
D: Now you are
riding more you look a lot slimmer, and maybe thinking a skin suit
could be forced on.
|
SHAVING IS FOR:
|
|
| A: Super
smooth legs. |
| B: Just before
going under the surgeons knife. |
| C: Reducing
the already ultra low weight of your bicycle. |
D: A job
interview or a date with a sexy lady.
|
YOU RIDE OUT WITH:
|
|
| A: One 5mm
Allen key, tucked down your skin-suit. |
| B: Knee pads,
shoulder pads and shin pads. |
| C: The coolest
mulit-tool on the planet, a shox pump so you can fine tune your bike
for every terrain. |
D: Enough
tools to put Halfords to shame plus more energy bars than Asda has
on its shelves.
|
CLIMBS ARE:
|
|
| A: The best
part of the trail, especially if you go up and down twice while you
wait for the others. |
| B: Never short
ones, but always bloody long drags. |
| C: Great on
your bike when you've just stopped to change the settings. |
D: Fine when
you are in the mood, but the last one was tough because I had had to
much pop last night.
|
DESCENTS ARE:
|
|
| A: Terrifying
and I usually get off and walk, stubble and slip down. |
| B: Just apart
of the trail 'man'. |
| C: O.k. if you
have fitted the right tyres for the terrain and set the correct fork
settings. |
D: Full on
fun.
|
BIG ROCKS ARE:
|
|
| A: The size of
your fist. |
| B: Brilliant
for jumping off. |
| C: Why you
wished you were on the 6" do all and not the single-speed hardtail
today. |
D: Good to sit
on and admire the views and maybe have a couple of energy bars too.
|
CYCLE MAINTENANCE IS:
|
|
| A: The bit
between eating and riding. |
| B: The bit
between replacing blown shox's and bent bits, after one too many
jumps. |
| C: Monthly
cheques you send to the ex, before she was the ex and you spent it
on cool stuff. |
D: Dripping
old chip fat on a squeaking bit of the bicycle before you go off on
a trail.
|
YOUR IDEAL RIDING
LOCATION IS:
|
|
| A: A
pre-season training camp some where in Spain. |
| B: The Swiss
Alps, French Alps or anywhere were there are ski lifts and full on
downhill descents. |
| C: Durango,
Colorado darling, it's just so in! easy to get to just fly Club
Class 'don't you know'. |
D: Anywhere
with good trails and a decent cafe serving bacon babs, pint mugs of
tea and cakes.
|
|
MOSTLY
( A ) |
MOSTLY
( B) |
MOSTLY
( C ) |
MOSTLY
( D ) |
You're a
Whippet rider |
You're a
Rottweiler rider |
You're a
Shih Tzu rider |
You're a
Husky rider |
|
As skinny as your tyres, you live
to set your legs & lungs on fire for that adrenalin fix. Strip
your bike to the bone so it's fast & hard. |
Will tackle anything head on you
get your thrills from making the most of gravity & street kerbs
You go big on tyres & travel weights not a problem..
|
You are Mr. MTB lifestyle you
spend more time on choosing bike bits then your ex did on doing
her hair. Just remember to ride the trails now & then. |
You bike everywhere, if you could
you'd eat your tea off it. You ride to escape the rat-race &
enjoy the open spaces, live, breath, biking. |
|
Good
news is currants are changing and swinging back in
favour for the average trail rider. The bottom line in
bicycle sales has told the manufactures that X/C & D/H
racing are a very small market. But while their world of
podiums and full on extreme mental case videos bares
little resemblance to your world, they're still a great
breeding platform for new and exciting MTB technology.
